LiveJournal Tags:
musing,
rant,
life Keeping myself busy has become a full-time job. With possible probation looming in the horizon and all (okay most… okay two) of my friends graduating, I still don’t know where I’m going in life- whining about which has led me to believe that I suffer from a more severe case of self-centered, indolence than I acknowledge.
Every career path that I envision myself pursuing (or getting comftably rich in) requires a dramatic change in my academic course which means the last three years are pretty much useless. And I realized another thing, a pretty important thing. All of these “choices” require hard work. They require continued interest, talent (or some level of skill in the least… or a very, very rich uncle), initiative and social networking in real life (haha… i know –_-). NONE of which sounds like something I’d be good at/want to do/like thinking about.
THIS was supposed to be the time in my life when I do things. Or at least that was the plan back when I was not 30 years old. Going places, writing, learning, contributing, indulging the closet activist in me… Instead I spend hours everyday glaring at the monitor thinking how I hate where some things (my life included) are headed. And how my having an opinion about it matters as much as a bird taking a shit in a forest.
The reason for this unwarranted regurgitation is that I am quite incapable of making any decisions regarding my future. Not only am I insouciant, unmotivated and incurably lazy, I am also not hardwired to direct my energy into something that I’ve thought up myself simply because these ideas dissolve just as quickly as they appear and I stop caring about them.
And I’ve lost the energy to continue… see what I mean? I wanted to write about some of the positive (yeah I know.. scary term) things that I experience from time to time.. Some of the ideas that verge on being creative or at least interesting. But now I feel like I’m just dragging this endless monologue about how I’m the most useless pile of carbon based molecules I know. To no consequence or melodramatic epiphany nonetheless.
…I wonder what do people who have interesting, fulfilling lives blog about.